While I could post something about the fact that I am getting my needed immunizations for foreign travel, have started making a dent in my packing, have informed everyone and their mother about my cute little "referral," I feel led to write about something that is even more on my mind ... my mother.
When I began this "process" of adoption, the first person who joined in the excitement and gave me her full support was my mother ... and that felt so good. From the initial decision to adopt, she wanted to know every step I took and wanted to share in each and every joy. When the plans were to travel in June of '06 to Samara, Russia ... my 80 year old Mom had her bags packed way in advance. She collected gifts for the baby and for the caretakers and had them neatly packed with her summer clothes in two maroon suitcases in the spare bedroom of her house. When the trip was delayed to the fall, she took out her summer clothes and put in her fall clothes. When this adoption began to fail, she never unpacked her bags. When I went home for Christmas that year, one of the first things she wanted to talk about was what had happened with the adoption and I was so devastated that I said, "Mom ... I need you to understand that I am so fragile right now. I cannot talk about it." She nodded, looked down and said, "I understand." Given time, I worked through the emotions and started over. My Mom started over with me! I signed on with Little Miracles International on March 1st. On April 16th, I called my mother around 4:00 in the afternoon and I told her about the progress that had been made in the adoption and she said ... "Just give me the word ... my bags are packed." That very evening, my Mom had a massive heart attack. Although she survived the attack, she never left the hospital and passed away exactly 3 weeks later of acute respiratory distress sydrome.
I bought a beautiful large gold cross necklace to give her in the hospital ... but the nurses said she couldn't wear jewelry ... so I kept waiting until they said okay. I still have it. During one night that I spent with her in the hospital ... I was leaning over her watching her sleep. She opened her eyes, looked right into mine, smiled, and said, "I see an angel." I'll never, ever forget how that made me feel.
This summer, I had "I see an angel" engraved on the back of the gold cross and I've planned to begin wearing it ... but I haven't been able to decide on a day and time to give the moment I put it on ... justice. Until now ...
I've decided to put it on for the first time ... the day I leave for Kazakhstan. It will be my way of taking my Mom with me ... a physical reminder of something I already know in my soul ... that she is STILL with me and will share in my joy when I take this beautiful baby boy in my arms, look into his eyes and say, "I see an angel."
When I began this "process" of adoption, the first person who joined in the excitement and gave me her full support was my mother ... and that felt so good. From the initial decision to adopt, she wanted to know every step I took and wanted to share in each and every joy. When the plans were to travel in June of '06 to Samara, Russia ... my 80 year old Mom had her bags packed way in advance. She collected gifts for the baby and for the caretakers and had them neatly packed with her summer clothes in two maroon suitcases in the spare bedroom of her house. When the trip was delayed to the fall, she took out her summer clothes and put in her fall clothes. When this adoption began to fail, she never unpacked her bags. When I went home for Christmas that year, one of the first things she wanted to talk about was what had happened with the adoption and I was so devastated that I said, "Mom ... I need you to understand that I am so fragile right now. I cannot talk about it." She nodded, looked down and said, "I understand." Given time, I worked through the emotions and started over. My Mom started over with me! I signed on with Little Miracles International on March 1st. On April 16th, I called my mother around 4:00 in the afternoon and I told her about the progress that had been made in the adoption and she said ... "Just give me the word ... my bags are packed." That very evening, my Mom had a massive heart attack. Although she survived the attack, she never left the hospital and passed away exactly 3 weeks later of acute respiratory distress sydrome.
I bought a beautiful large gold cross necklace to give her in the hospital ... but the nurses said she couldn't wear jewelry ... so I kept waiting until they said okay. I still have it. During one night that I spent with her in the hospital ... I was leaning over her watching her sleep. She opened her eyes, looked right into mine, smiled, and said, "I see an angel." I'll never, ever forget how that made me feel.
This summer, I had "I see an angel" engraved on the back of the gold cross and I've planned to begin wearing it ... but I haven't been able to decide on a day and time to give the moment I put it on ... justice. Until now ...
I've decided to put it on for the first time ... the day I leave for Kazakhstan. It will be my way of taking my Mom with me ... a physical reminder of something I already know in my soul ... that she is STILL with me and will share in my joy when I take this beautiful baby boy in my arms, look into his eyes and say, "I see an angel."
6 comments:
Your entry made me cry. You're absolutely right. Mom was so happy about your adoption. I know she's up in heaven right now helping you out in this process!!!
Love,
Wayne
A beautiful reflection, Jayne. Thank you for inviting me to your blog. I will follow your journey and pray for you every step of the way.
Jayne, I agree, what a beautiful post and tribute to your Mom. I will be following your journey too and wishing you nothing but the best. Ashlee
Jayne, my prayers and thoughts are with you as always on your journey. I can't stop crying, cause this has touched me in ways one day we will talk about. I am always here for you and I wish you the best.
Your entry brought tears to my eyes. It is so incredibly touching and bittersweet. I must say, the plan sounds like a good one to me. What a powerful and memorable way to introduce the baby into your life. I wish you the best and look forward to hearing more of your journey. We'll get together and talk about it one day.
Love,
-V-
Jayne,
Wow....what an amazing story. Your mom will be with you on your journey and every step of the way. "I see an angel" is so perfect for the cross and for your first words spoken to little Noah. May you and your little one always be surrounded by angels.
Love, Cheryl, Kelli and Riley
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